Tuesday, August 9, 2011

People are Funny

"I just had an inquiry about a donation of my {product} from a school caretaker (because he likes what he does and would like to upgrade to my {product}). I replied that we are not in a position to donate my {product}, and that he would love the {product} if he enjoys what he does so much."

"He wrote back to inquire about the warranty on my {product}. "If it is such a great {product} it must have at least a 15 year warranty"."

"What comes with a 15 year warranty? Not even a car that you pay way more than a $200 {product}."

I’m inclined to agree. On the other hand, I’ve been reading way too much Isaac Asimov lately, so I offer these observations:-

Observation 1:

I offer life-time support on every issue on which I deliver training. You attend my class on Array Formulas in Microsoft Excel, and you can phone or email me forever afterwards asking about Array Formulas in Microsoft Excel. I figure that if you keep phoning me whenever you need help, instead of phoning my competition ...

Observation 2:

I happen to know this product. It has no mechanical parts. It can’t break, unless you take to it with a school caretaker’s hammer. How can the product fail?

Observation 3:

The use of the product might fail, putting in the wrong mixture, but then your warranty makes it clear that you warrant against defects of manufacture, not of use.

Observation 4:

So what if it fails and you replace it. One {product} out of 10,000 that you sell. At least the caretaker will brag to everyone he knows how he won a new {product} out of you. That’s called word-of-mouth.

Observation 5:

Of course your warranty (may as well make it lifetime as 15 years!) stipulates that the broken {product} must be returned in its original packaging in order to claim a refund or a replacement. S&H at purchaser’s expense, and only when accompanied by that “Product Order Return Number” thingy that everyone else stipulates.

Observation 6:

If all else fails, have you ever wondered why he’s only a school caretaker, and not a Neutrino Physicist?

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