Saturday, April 30, 2011

Aristotle’s Ancient Guide to Compelling Copy

I have based these ideas on a CopyBlogger article from early March 2011. The entire article is worth reading.

Here is my distillation, bearing in mind I have to make a short telephone presentation this morning, nudging a prospect a little closer to the sale.

1: Ethos (show off those lovely morals of yours)

(Sharing personal experience) This is easy. The initial contact was made because I had a similar software application already in place. My brief personal story will be about how I needed to copy/paste vast amounts of intricate data between word processing documents on a daily basis.

2: Logos (give them proof, not piffle!)

(Back it up with proof) This too is easy. My initial contact in the prospect’s organization witnessed an on-site demo of my original software, and my web site holds two videos of a proof-of-concept model of the proposed software.

3: Pathos (get them feeling something)

(Trigger those emotional points) This is the toughest of the three steps for me.

I have a spreadsheet fired up with some simple data entry (“How many resumes do you think you process per day or per month?) and it spits out an estimated true cost of processing those estimates, company –wide.

But getting the prospect to reveal accurate figures for salaries will be like extracting teeth, I figure.

Talk to Me !

Friday, April 29, 2011

I’m a Shameless Liar

Or something. “Liar” is the first word that came to mind. “Fraud” or “Fake” or “Shyster” now start to drift across my forebrain.

Here’s why.

Last night at supper with a friend I was bemoaning the number of prospects, contacts and clients who do not return phone calls or emails. The number is not alarmingly high, but high enough that it makes me think “rudeness”.

I made the point that, amazingly, I’d rather do business with the people who respond “Thanks for you interest but I think we have nothing in common”, than with those who postpone a lunch meeting three times without the guts to say “Thanks for you interest but I think we have nothing in common”.

This morning my Inbox held a message from Carole St. Laurent of fluidIT solutions “I missed you at AIC last night. How’s it going?” which straight away reminded me that she had sent me two extremely helpful emails a month ago, after we had met for lunch, and I had not replied to them.

“Boy!”, as we say in the trade, “Was my face red!”.

I sat down, dashed off a reply to this morning’s email from Carole, then went and re-read the emails from a month ago. Both valid.

The good news is that Carole and I have since exchanged another email.

The gooder news is that Carole has brought home to me the value of staying-in-touch with an unsolicited nudge every now and then.

The even gooder news is that I have set aside this afternoon to clean out my Inbox entirely.

And as Carole says “Being on both sides of the client and consultant fence is a good reminder that good news may still be percolating when people aren’t calling you back. “

Talk to Me !

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Things Aren’t Always What They Seem




If you’re old, you’ll remember the group “Blood, Sweat & Tears“. I remember them from heady days of being a young adult in my first job, money coming in, beer and port wine, newly married, setting up house, the world was mine.

Of course, secretly I wanted to be invited as lead singer of “Blood, Sweat & Tears“. It didn’t happen. Not because I wasn’t good enough, I just never got around to getting in touch with them.

If you’re not old enough, you’ll NOT remember the group “Blood, Sweat & Tears“. You won’t even remember The Beatles, but at least you’ll have listened to The Beatles, maybe watched videos, read articles in magazines and newspapers.

Whatever

How many members in “Blood, Sweat & Tears“?

The Beatles were a group of four, right?

“Blood, Sweat & Tears“? Four? Five? Maybe six?

Would you believe one hundred and thirty four ?

Over 43 years (1967-2010) that works out to just over 3 group members per year.

Of course, some stays were short, others long, but over my entire working life the group could have been re-invented almost every year.

While I was working in Wollongong and Newcastle N.S.W, in Adelaide S.A., in the UK, France, Singapore and Canada, the group was changing like a kaleidoscope – always the same sound and color, but the flakes (sorry!) re-arranged.

Who knew?

Talk to Me !

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

More Good Staples Advice

Planning Translates to Dollars and Increased Productivity – another great blog item from Staples, IMHO.

Here, I’ll summarize it for you:-

1. Set your goals

2. Manage procrastination

3. Learn to handle interruptions

4. Manage your meetings

5. Write it all down

6. Conquer paperwork

I especially love the first point – Setting Goals.

But why not read the article in full – it will take you less than a minute.

Better yet, do what I did and read the KAOS Group blog !

Talk to Me !

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Promises and Threats

I’ve listened to a TVO podcast “ Moisés Naím: Metaphors Against Social Ills “, part of which discusses why wars fail, especially “war on drugs”, “war on poverty”, “war on Afghanistan” and so on; also a brief discussion on why clones of The Marshall Plan fail.

To me the discussion raised the interesting point about wars, and I’m fascinated because I study the origins of the Third Balkan War.

The Goal

The goal of war is victory (I’m also strong on Goals!), and so entering into a war is done in the belief, not the hope, that victory will be gained.

If I declare War on Weight in an effort to trim a few pounds of flab from my waist, I do so believing that I can shed 10 pounds over the next 6 months, and keep them off.

If I win, well, good! We are all happy.

But if I lose, it is very easy to segue into War on Ill-Health, and publish how I have changed my diet to eat healthy foods, diverting attention away from the fact that I’m not losing weight at all.

The War on Terror whose aim was to capture Obama bin Laden has turned into a war to reconstruct Afghanistan Society.

Gambling

Which leads me to believe that one should never gamble on war; one should not go to war on anything or against anyone unless one is 100% sure of winning; because failure to win means we get held up and ridiculed, making the next battle more difficult.

Which brings me back to my headline. In the early 1970s I learned “Never make a promise or a threat you’re not prepared to keep”, a sound basis for any business negotiation.

I should not threaten to walk away from a business deal unless I know that I can survive without that deal being consummated.

I should never promise to deliver goods or services unless I know I already have those goods or services in hand.

Talk to Me !

Monday, April 25, 2011

Promises and Threats

I’ve listened to a TVO podcast “ Moisés Naím: Metaphors Against Social Ills “, part of which discusses why wars fail, especially “war on drugs”, “war on poverty”, “war on Afghanistan” and so on; also a brief discussion on why clones of The Marshall Plan fail.

To me the discussion raised the interesting point about wars, and I’m fascinated because I study the origins of the Third Balkan War.

The Goal

The goal of war is victory (I’m also strong on Goals!), and so entering into a war is done in the belief, not the hope, that victory will be gained.

If I declare War on Weight in an effort to trim a few pounds of flab from my waist, I do so believing that I can shed 10 pounds over the next 6 months, and keep them off.

If I win, well, good! We are all happy.

But if I lose, it is very easy to segue into War on Ill-Health, and publish how I have changed my diet to eat healthy foods, diverting attention away from the fact that I’m not losing weight at all.

The War on Terror whose aim was to capture Obama bin Laden has turned into a war to reconstruct Afghanistan Society.

Gambling

Which leads me to believe that one should never gamble on war; one should not go to war on anything or against anyone unless one is 100% sure of winning; because failure to win means we get held up and ridiculed, making the next battle more difficult.

Which brings me back to my headline. In the early 1970s I learned “Never make a promise or a threat you’re not prepared to keep”, a sound basis for any business negotiation.

I should not threaten to walk away from a business deal unless I know that I can survive without that deal being consummated.

I should never promise to deliver goods or services unless I know I already have those goods or services in hand.

Talk to Me !

Saturday, April 23, 2011

What’s the Difference Between …?

… a Prospect and an Investor?

None whatsoever, as far as I can see.

In both cases you are working to convince someone to part with some money UP FRONT, to bet on your ideas, service or product.

A recent itBusiness.ca article “ Why elevator pitches don't work with investors ” brings this home.

“The problem with elevator pitches is than no investor cares what you do,” said Mothersill. “It’s not that you’ve built a better mousetrap – it’s what pain does that mouse trap solve in the marketplace and whether or not there’s a buyer for it.”

So true of your clients.

“Investors want to make sure that their money will be secure and that they will get a profit out of their investment,”

So true of your clients.

“Twelve items that should be included in the presentation document are: …”

So true of your clients.

Talk to Me !

Friday, April 22, 2011

It’s Happened Again

I got a call from a long-time client two weeks ago, a question about security.

I assembled a few pages of notes (“ Security of Files ”) and emailed the link within 20 minutes of our phone call.

“There you go, Bruce. Please let me know if this was any use to you.“.

Two weeks pass and I hear nothing; not even a short ‘Thanks I’ll take a look”.

So I called back first thing Monday morning. (I call this a limbering-up call) and asked.

He has to look through his voluminous email Inbox folder to find it.

“Oh! There it is. Yeah. Hmmm!”.

He hadn’t seen it and hadn’t read it, and …

The message to me is clear.

When someone calls with a problem and I email the solution to them, I ought to phone them the next business day to remind them that there’s an email in their box.

Because too many people treat their Inbox as an insurmountable problem.

Talk to Me !

Thursday, April 21, 2011

I’m Under Stress

No wonder my blood pressure is high.

Apart from wandering the face of this planet, I have auxiliary matters of contention.

This morning I rose at 4 a.m. (not unusual for me), rebooted the computer and walked away.

The first re-boot of the day triggers all sorts of useful tasks, including flushing the browser cache, initiating a run of The Prospector to scour yesterday’s CNW press releases , fires up my weight-monitoring spreadsheet and a host of other things. While it is doing that I wander into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee and cater to the cat’s bowls.

Of course, the very first thing the reboot does is to load TrueCrypt and decrypt the encrypted hard drive which holds all the data.

Except this morning it didn’t.

TrueCrypt Just Hung There.

20 minutes had passed before I noticed this, so I rebooted; a little glitch is all; an experiment by the cosmos.

The machine wouldn’t reboot, so I did the old lean-on-the-power-button trick to force a shut-down and then powered up again for a clean reboot of the day.

Nada.

TrueCrypt Just Hung There.

Without a decrypted hard drive all I have is an encrypted hard drive.

Shut-down, Power-on.

TrueCrypt Just Hung There.

Shut-down, Power-on. Panic.

Well! To make a short story long (there follows 2,000 words of technical gibberish) it turned out to be a hang caused by a blank ready-to-burn-songs CD that I’d popped in the DVD burner yesterday and never got around to burning.

Puts all the device numbers out of whack.

Confuses TrueCrypt.

Which doesn’t tell me “Hey! You’ve got an extra drive here”; it just sulks.

While my panic sets in.

My last job each evening is to backup all computers to twin external drives, so on paper we’re alright. Except I wasn’t looking forward to reloading some 60 GB of stuff from an external drive.

That would put a crimp in my morning.

Oh well, let’s get on with the day. 60 minutes down the tubes …

Talk to Me !

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Life Has Its Moments

… and the other day was one of them.

Down to The Montreal Deli for lunch for two:-

Visit www.ChrisGreaves.com for this image! LifeHasItsMoments_Scan10003.JPG

Check the docket number.

“33333”.

What are the odds?

I show it to George-The-Manager and ask him if this qualifies me for a free meal.

George is busy on the phone so all he can do is grimace and nod and give me a thumbs up.

It beats Tim Horton’s Roll-up-the-Rim-to-Win !

Talk to Me !

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Management Measures - Spatial

Yesterday I got into an argument (nothing unusual there) about the United States of America.

I claimed that their land-level border problems were immense. My friend claimed no-big-deal – “Just two borders, right? Mexico and Canada”.

I just KNEW that I was right; I also believed that the USA wasn’t handling its problems very well, on several fronts, but that’s another matter.

This morning I pulled out one of my trusty atlases and did some research.

But don’t YOU do that

You close your eyes and ask this question:

How many of the states of the USA have a land-crossing border problem, and by “border problem” I mean “Need to monitor a border that would permit inflow of illegal immigrants.

If you can’t do that, try a simpler question: “Does the USA have more than 50%, or does it have less than 50% of its states with Customs & immigration booths and officers?”

The answer is here , but don’t click until you’ve given this problem a fair shake.

Note that every US state has customs & immigration bureaus – for airplane arrivals.

I’m talking here about land-level borde-crossings – on foot, by car, bus, train or bike.

Talk to Me !

Monday, April 18, 2011

Fame And Fortune

I have just heard The Beatles singing “Fool On The Hill”, strictly speaking I have just heard a recording of The Beatles singing “Fool On The Hill”.

Nice song. Part of my youth. I was in late high school when The Beatles took the world by storm.

I found myself wondering which of the Fab Four were doing vocals. There are only two left alive.

I found myself wondering if the two survivors, on hearing a Beatles song playing, think back to the day that song was recorded, what they had for lunch, what they were wearing, and so on.

I contemplated that, perhaps, they didn’t listen to The Beatles. After 50 years, maybe you’ve heard enough. Maybe they listen to Lyle Lovett or someone else.

Then I wondered how galling it might be to be walking through a shopping mall and hear your own voice coming through a set of tinny speakers twenty feet above your head.

How Galling!

I think that if I were that famous and was forced to listen to my glory of 50 years ago for the rest-of-my-life, I’d go bonkers.

So I’m glad I don’t have that kind of fame.

I could use a bit of fame, but not that much.

A small fortune would come in handy, too.

Talk to Me !

Saturday, April 16, 2011

DIY Projects

I read in the Toronto star “ Baeumler: The best job in the world ”.

Another memorable quote “If you’re planning on learning as you go, plan on spending 50 per cent more time and 30 per cent more money on materials until you come around the learning curve.”.

This is true of home renovations, writing macros, building web pages, rotating your tyres, mastering basic WordPress or MailChimp , and frankly, I think the 50% is low.

Talk to Me !

Friday, April 15, 2011

Going Over Budget

I just had another great business meeting with young David Sappleton of Xcite Creative and then came home to read in the Toronto star “ Baeumler: The best job in the world ”.

David and I discussed projects; we work in different fields, but suffer the same penalties of clients accepting the product and then saying “Could you color it blue add another wheel to the left-hand side?”, which eats into our already-slender profit margin.

And we discussed ways to over come this problem; tightening the specifications doesn’t always do the trick.

I have tried proposing a fixed-price for the job, then hourly rate any time AFTER two weeks following delivery; if nothing else that tells the client to test the product quickly, not to wait 3 months before coming back to me.

The Star article includes this memorable line “… put away at least 15 to 20 per cent for contingencies …”.

That made me think.

I could issue a proposal for a fixed-price job, and then add (to the quoted value) 15% and mark that “contingencies”.

The message to the client is clear: I can do the job for $5,000, but we both know (don’t we?) that the unexpected crops up. Let us BOTH allow for that.

My message is clear: If nothing extra crops up (or if the client decides to say nothing crops up), then you pay the $5,000. But be aware that you ought to be prepared to pay up to $5,750 if part-way through the job your situation changes.

That way there are no unpleasant surprises.

Talk to Me !

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Strike up a Conversation

I stare out my window, looking towards the clouds scudding in from the south-west, and the Toronto Star headline reads “ Florida dealership will pay for your new car if it rains April 8 ”.

The details are hazy (Good one, Chris!), but you buy the car now and get your money back if it rains April 8. The article says the dealer made the decision “without a smidgen of complicated risk-assessment”, but I don’t believe that.

Still an all, the killer statement is buried at the foot of the report:-

“In our market, it seems to work better to get customers to strike up a conversation rather than screaming at us.”

I’ll come back to that in a minute

I am reading Neil Rackham’s “SPIN Selling” – SPIN as in Situation questions, Problem questions, Implication questions, Need-payoff questions.

Neil discusses the traditional sales training of Preliminaries, Investigating, Demonstrating capability and Obtaining commitment, that last being known as "closing” or “getting the order”.

Neil makes a good point that the sales process for small-ticket items has to be different from that of large-ticket items. He gives little thought to grabbing a $15 pocket knife at a display stand; it’s a token amount and a bad decision affects only him. No need for any kind of sales talk there. But a $3,000 computer system affects the entire office, so that needs a different sales cycle.

Most of us are selling large-ticket items – training sessions for $3,000, web sites for $2,500. If someone asks for an hour’s coaching, well, it’s about $150. I can wing that, but a 3-day tour-de-force for 8 staff members means WE had better have our ducks in a row.

Back to Florida

In both situations I learn that it’s the relationship, the conversation I have to develop.

I think the conclusion is that if I continue to work hard on educating my contacts (about me) and offer them tidbits of useful information on a regular basis, the sale will come quite naturally.

The client will have decided to buy before they approach me; the only question is, “What color would you like it?”.

Talk to Me !

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

It’s a People Problem

  • “Can you merge these seven workbooks for us?”
  • “Can you merge these three contact lists for us”?”
  • “Did he really score a goal?”.

The Guardian article scores a hit with "In principle the iview system can also solve specific goal-line issues, but the main reason it wasn't used in the World Cup was the approval of the governing bodies rather than the technology itself.".

We all knew that it wasn’t a bouncing tyre that killed the woman .

In the trade we quietly mutter “It’s a people problem; it’s always a people problem”.

At the root level it is never a technological problem. Cars don’t think. Spreadsheets don’t think. Footballs and goalposts don’t have brains.

It’s a depressing thought that all human problems in the world today can be laid at the feet of humans.

It’s an encouraging thought that I might be one of the humans able to solve human problems.

Talk to Me !

Monday, April 11, 2011

How Computers Boot Up

I came across two excellent articles recently and am posting a short commentary on them here and at Motherboard Chipsets and the Memory Map.

The first article should be of general interest to anyone who sits waiting for the computer to re-boot, or anyone who hates the process so much that they avoid a re-boot as much as possible.

This stuff is of interest to me in part because the first computers I ever used, in 1967, were bootstrapped – you pressed a button on the card-reader which caused the machine to read the first punched-card in a deck of 80-column cards, which card contained enough instructions to read the next card, and so on, until the whole program was loaded and ready to process data.

You’ll read this in “Things start rolling when you press the power button on the compute”, under the heading Boot Sequence, Boot being an abbreviation for Bootstrap, and nothing at all to do with giving the computer a kick.

In 1973-74 I was enrolled in a Systems course, part of which was to design computers from the DEC handbook – working out how to combine NAND, NOR and NOT gates into half-adder circuits and then continue upwards, and as a pastime I wrote a compiler for a computer with only one instruction .

Anyway, give the Duartes paper a single read-through; don’t be thwarted by some of the stuff you don’t understand; just skim through it and then say “Whew! I never realized how complex a device these things are”.

Much more complex than a vacuum-cleaner, even though it too has an on-off switch.

Talk to Me !

Motherboard Chipsets and the Memory Map

I came across two excellent articles recently and am posting a short commentary on them here and at How Computers Boot Up .

This article is probably a little harder to digest than the boot-up article, but still and all it may be of interest to you, as much as when the salesman pops the hood of your new car and you go “Ok. Boring!”.

When you look at the diagram, you can think of the arrow-lines as wires connecting the bits and pieces.

“ … the CPU doesn’t really know anything about what it’s connected to.” Is ever so true. It’s just as true of computers. I spend hours listening to clients talk about their data (and they need to describe it to me so I can build a process), but I know that the computer doesn’t have a clue about dollars or names or temperatures – it’s just data, strings of characters or chunks of numbers. And in the end, of course, 1s and 0s, but not even that, it is plus-or-minus voltages, when you come down to it.

And even then the computer doesn’t understand anything. It’s just a wired-together collection of transistors, right?

Talk to Me !

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Getting the Word Out – Tapping Into Client Pools

I think the official umbrella name is “Reciprocal Marketing”, although my thoughts are a one-way street here.

I need to get the word out about my training courses. The material is ready, the room is available. I’m ready. Where are the customers?

I know the customers are out there, and that they are already doing some other form of business with someone known to me.

For example, Gary, not his real name, appears to be running a pretty successful financial consulting business. I suspect he has a hundred or so hot name son his list, existing clients, previous clients, ready-to-become clients.

I can approach Gary with this deal:

You pay the room rental costs and I’ll deliver a 3-hour training session to 8 of your contacts for free.

You will look good because you are giving them a bonus (Please see Oranges and Bottled Water ).

Your clients will feel good because they are learning something productively useful for free (plus doing a little bit of networking).

I’ll feel good because I’ll get my name, material, knowledge and techniques out there on display.

Talk to Me !

  

Friday, April 8, 2011

Can You Keep a Secret?

It’s OK.

I know you can.

But should you?

And when should you pass on a secret?

You know something the rest of us don’t know; that’s what you are selling – the brew made from your secret recipe, the experience locked inside your head, the special tricks and methods you’ve discovered.

Whatever it is, you’ve got it, and no one else has it; that’s your niche.

And here you are, mug of coffee in hand, being asked by your prospect “So, what’s your secret? How do you do it?”.

Should you tell them?

Of course you should.

It won’t take more than a minute, will it? Probably less than 30 seconds.

And how in the name of all that’s proprietary can you possibly give away the fullness of your secret in 30 seconds? You can’t. There’s no way a rookie prospect is going to take your overview and build a space shuttle from it, let alone the support system for the space shuttle.

Case in point: I know all about Microsoft Word’s styles – both paragraph and character. A prospect asks me how I’m going to achieve consistent formatting to brand their product.

“Easy!”, I say, “I’ll implement a hierarchy of styles”.

What can they do? Read the Microsoft Word help screens? Buy a book for $20 and become an expert in building style hierarchies overnight? I don’t think so.

How will they know which way to organize the hierarchy (there are as many ways as there are people in the office).

Do they really want to delve into the differences between Paragraph Styles and Character Styles? And why, at certain times, Paragraph Styles act as Character Styles?

Do you think they’ll discover fractional point font sizes, and how to craft a macro to make use of this in page alignment?

And so on.

I doubt it.

In fact, by replying to their question with just one word (triumphantly) “STYLES!”, there’s a good chance that they’ll be so overwhelmed with what’s out there that they’ll turn the whole exercise over to me. Instantly.

And how about you? What is your secret? And don’t you find it difficult to encapsulate it into a 30-second elevator speech?

I thought so!

Talk to Me !

Thursday, April 7, 2011

I Will Pass on this Info

Sometimes the response both amazes and alarms me.

I issued a short email to a colleague announcing a new course I’ve produced.

My esteemed colleague’s response was short and to the point:

Hi Chris, I will pass on this info. Thanks

Now I know this chap well, and I know he means well, and I know that he means “I will let other people know about this resource”, and all is good.

But for just a fleeting instant panic reared its ugly head: What if he means “Thanks, but No Thanks; I don’t need this kind of information”?

I need a vacation ….

Talk to Me !

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

To Call, or Not to Call? That is the Email!

I have invested many hours (perhaps too many) in developing a sale here in Toronto. Then my contact passes me on to another member of the same firm but in Ottawa, with the words “Jackie will get in touch with you”.

I respond with thanks, “I’ll wait for her to contact me”, in part because I don’t want to seem too eager or pushy, and in part because I want to know that she wants it enough to call me.

Here’s the catch: She didn’t call!

Now I AM eager; I want to meet my sales quota this month (even if it is only one sale), so I brace myself and send off a short eMail “nudge”:

Hello Jackie, I just tried to reach you by phone but the line got dropped. I was calling to ask if you were anticipating anything from me. A week ago Harold indicated that you might contact me, but in case you were waiting to hear from me, well, here is an email! I spent a bit of time on a proof-of-concept model for Harold and uploaded a couple of videos which might be of interest to you:-

Her response?

Hello Chris and thank you for your e-mail. I have forwarded your documentation to a colleague of mine. After watching your videos focusing on a section of a document, and to have a better understanding of what a complete processing entails, would you happen to have a demo illustrating a document being completely processed with such a tool and what it looks like at the “end” ? We were also wondering about the following: - What type of format is used as the “desired situation” ? - How would it work if we were to attempt to use such a tool in different languages? Thank you in advance. Your assistance is appreciated.

From which I gather that

(1) I should be a little more forward in presenting myself; the shy wall-flower type gets to dance, but not as often as the flirt.

(2) In Maybe You’re 65 I quoted CopyBlogger as saying “those customers really want your product”. Spot On!

(3) These contacts are busy people, but they are busy responding to other people. I can be one of those other people.

Talk to Me !

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Don’t Worry! Nothing has Changed.

SmallBiz Trends asks “Have We Lost a Generation of Small Business Owners?” and then answers its own question with some raw figures and a chart, on the grounds that if you can’t understand “We’re down more than 1.1 million” you’ll understand “{insert chart here}”.

They claim to be talking about “fewer self-employed Americans” but closer inspection reveals they really want to talk about “fewer incorporated self-employed people”.

There’s a world of difference.

As a man of the world I am painfully aware of the number of small businesses, one-man-shows, who charge cash for fixing everything from roofs to driveways, fingernails to toe-nails, and will walk your dog, or your granny, for a wad of twenty-dollar banknotes.

I don’t think there are less self-employed; I think that there are more self-employed .

And I think they are coming from the old-fashioned regular-salary crowd, tired of paying taxes, and from the newly-retired-at-55 crowd, who aren’t satisfied with their pensions.

And me?

My accountant told me twenty years ago – if you get paid in cash, go straight to the ATM, deposit it, and write the client’s name on the slip. Once you get home, print out an invoice and mail it.

That way, he said, you will never fear the police, tax inspectors, or anyone else.

He was right, as usual.

Talk to Me !

Monday, April 4, 2011

More Elevator Speeches

A correspondent writes:

In my Textual Intervention class last year, we had to explore writing personal ads. The first one was required to be straight. I came up with:

  • Australian male, 34, enjoys silence and solitude, and cool, sunny afternoons reading old books. Is there a mid-thirties Christian woman who would complement me?

Then we had to write an alternative based on the original, so I wrote:

  • Apparently self-centered Christian man seeks woman to wait patiently while he finishes the chapter. Must love cats.

Finally, we had to write an anti-personal ad (whatever that means). I settled on:

  • Damaged goods will never trust another woman as long as he lives. Will reject as similarly damaged any woman who finds herself attracted to him.

No ad is longer than 32 words.

I gingerly put my toes in the water and came up with:

Tri-national male, 64, enjoys quiet music, conversation, and if that fails, reading old books. Is there a 60s woman from the 60s who would accompany me?

Easily-bored atheist seeks partner who will trigger his brain and listen to the results. Must hate spending money.

Self-centered brain seeks fuel to keep the furnaces going. Is not interested in dining-out every night. Respondent must own a car.

Come on, give it a shot (you can lie a little)

Then trying writing a Personal Ad for your business.

Date Me !

Saturday, April 2, 2011

6 Orion Street, Southern Cross, WA 6426

A weakness of mine is to use Google Alerts. A sub-weakness is to use Google Alerts to keep track of my past.

So up pops a hit from “ southern cross yilgarn

I spent my first two nights in Southern Cross, back in June 1956, in that hotel.

For roughly $cdn1.5M I could quit my day job and run a hotel.

I was struck by the phrase “Only a full inspection will do justice to your consideration” because that’s exactly how I feel about me when discussing my products and services – if only the prospect would take a sample or a trial run, they’d see just how good I/it am/is, and then they’d buy the whole deal.

Now, how to translate “Only a full inspection will do justice to your consideration” into “Why not invite me in for a chat?”.

Talk to Me !

"Orion Street"? Yes. In Southern Cross, named after the constellation, the streets are named after stars and constellations.

Friday, April 1, 2011

My eLetter – 1st Issue

The first issue went out two days ago to a humble (small mailing list) start.

22 months have passed since first I said “I should issue a monthly newsletter”, and I regret the delay.

Where did the time go?

I think it was dissipated by fear; fear of getting started, fear of rejection, fear of poor quality, and fear of fearing fears.

In the end – SO WHAT?

Out it went, issue number 1, with eleven more issues in the pipeline – articles written – and it’s me, all me.

I figure of course, that those who subscribe will want to hear about ME and won’t care overmuch about the precise RGB code for the background of the thing.

My smartest decision – I think to use a service rather than roll-my-own. I used MailChimp and could have picked one of about a dozen candidates.

I could have started the thing 18 months ago – lord knows I have enough material to sink a public service building – and for 18 months I could have been telling people about it, building up a subscriber base.

Oh well.

They say better late than never, and today I have to start tweaking next month’s issue.

Talk to Me !

My eLetter – 1st Issue

The first issue went out two days ago to a humble (small mailing list) start.

22 months have passed since first I said “I should issue a monthly newsletter”, and I regret the delay.

Where did the time go?

I think it was dissipated by fear; fear of getting started, fear of rejection, fear of poor quality, and fear of fearing fears.

In the end – SO WHAT?

Out it went, issue number 1, with eleven more issues in the pipeline – articles written – and it’s me, all me.

I figure of course, that those who subscribe will want to hear about ME and won’t care overmuch about the precise RGB code for the background of the thing.

My smartest decision – I think to use a service rather than roll-my-own. I used MailChimp and could have picked one of about a dozen candidates.

I could have started the thing 18 months ago – lord knows I have enough material to sink a public service building – and for 18 months I could have been telling people about it, building up a subscriber base.

Oh well.

They say better late than never, and today I have to start tweaking next month’s issue.

Talk to Me !